es la isla bonita que duele

of all the things that we see, i believe that we see ourselves the most and that we distort ourselves the most. someone said to me that people tend to spend their time comparing their insides to other people's outsides. how can we not have an impure view?

i have been quiet lately, but it is not for lack of perplexing and illustrative thoughts. i keep wondering if i should know my place out of comfort or out of challenge. i am somewhere else. i don't feel strapped to the ground being here... instead the world is full of untenable possibilities. and limits and rules and radio call signs and cars with drivers and a routine that makes hardly any sense at all.

luca is gone, and we've been on our own in the evenings. his farewell was outrageous in that we spent half the night in the bar singing songs we barely knew and laughing loudly, which is something we tend to do. he's left us quite a supply. capers and bleu cheese and genoa salami and a touch of pate that i crave nearly every evening. here, you close your eyes and the wine flows freely and you know that it shouldn't, but it does.

tonight, we watched volver in the movie room (a sauna) with a few friends that we met while traveling a few weeks ago. i'm suddenly feeling that i am equally as useless as i am necessary - a scary thought. i believe i have just three weeks left before i leave, and i have a checklist running through my mind that constantly doubles back and repeats at four times the velocity. but i am calm and not on my own, though i am on my own, as always.

duc and i have decided to meet in kuala lumpur on august 3. we'll see what happens from there.